EPISODE 414: Managing the Emotions and Chatter
Hey, chiropractors. We're ready for another Modern Chiropractic Marketing Show with Dr. Kevin Christie, where we discuss the latest in marketing strategies, contact marketing, direct response marketing, and business development with some of the leading experts in the industry.
Dr. Kevin Christie: [00:00:00] Welcome, Doc's got a solo episode for you today. And we're going to talk about how to manage your chatter and your emotions. And occasionally, uh, I come, I come across a book I read and I do read a lot. I. Combine, I do three things. I listen to a lot of podcasts for sure, but I also listen to audio books, but then I do physically read books and always have a book that I'm physically reading.
And about four months ago, I heard about a book called chatter, the voice in our head, why it matters and how to harness it. And I decided to read this one physically and it's written by Ethan cross and he is a. A Ph. D. researcher out of the University of Michigan, so he He comes at this, uh, from a psychologist standpoint, but more on the research side, not a, a clinician in psychology.
And so he has a ton of research, which I think you'll appreciate is a lot of the concepts [00:01:00] that he writes about aren't just, um, motivation or hearsay or, or things like that. It's, uh, it's really based on the research. And I read this book and, you know, as, as, as you could probably tell with the subtitle, the voice in our head.
Why it matters and how to harness it, uh, pretty compelling. And it was a really good book. And I even did a coaching call, a group coaching call on this. We do occasional book reviews and really dive into the material. And what I liked about this book at the end was he laid out like 24 different actual strategies, uh, for this.
And, uh, that was good. I'm going to dive in a little bit of that. Uh, then he, uh, it was, it was actually pretty cool. I read the book chatter. I did the coaching call and then right around that same time, his second book came out again from Ethan Cross. And this one is called Shift Managing Your Emotions So They Don't Manage You.
And as [00:02:00] you can imagine, that's compelling as well. And I just think. As chiropractors, um, you know, we, you know, whether we're just, whether we're students, whether we're new in practice, we've been doing it for a while, whether we're an associate, a partner, an owner, different layers of all this, um, whether your practice is doing great.
Or struggling. We have a, we have to manage that voice in our head. And we also have to manage our emotions and being able to, to do that and having certain strategies will benefit you. And I don't know if it's, uh, you know, because I'm, I'm aging, I'm 45 now, or maybe it's lower testosterone at 25, uh, but I'm getting better at this, but I have put a lot of work into leadership and I think a big part of.
Leadership is being able to manage, you know, your self talk and certain things like that. And also your [00:03:00] emotions and being able to communicate effectively when things are stressful or when, you know, having a bad week in the office or a patient comes in, can't walk in hard to walk out, you know, different things like that we deal with.
It's, uh, we, the more we can have a narrow bandwidth of emotions, uh, the better not, not to say you shouldn't be. You shouldn't have emotions and he talks about that as well, but you definitely need to be able to, to manage that. And so I'm just going to dive into a few things, but I just highly recommend starting with the book, uh, Chatter.
And I'm just going to kind of read you the inner, inner flap here, right? So you can get an idea of what we're talking about. Um, you know, here we go, quote, tell a stranger that you, Talk to yourself and you're likely to get written off as an eccentric. But the truth is that we all have a voice in our head.
When we talk to ourselves, we often hope to tap into our inner coach, but instead find our inner critic. Uh, when we're facing a tough task, our inner coach can [00:04:00] buoy us up, focus. You can do this, uh, but just as often our inner critic. Sinks us entirely. I'm going to fail. They're all going to laugh at me.
What's the use of this? In Chatter, acclaimed psychologist Ethan Cross explores the silent conversations we have with ourselves, interweaving groundbreaking behavioral and brain research from his own lab with real, real world case studies. From a pitcher who forgets how to pitch to a Harvard undergrad, negotiating her double life as a spy, Cross explains how.
These conversations shapes our lives, work, and relationships. He warns that giving in to negative and disorienting self talk. What he calls chatter can tank our health, sink our moods, strain our social connections, and cause us to fold under pressure. But the good news is, is that we're already equipped with the tools we need to make your inner voice work in our favor.[00:05:00]
These tools are often hidden in plain sight. In the words we use to think about ourselves, the technologies we embrace, the diaries we keep in our drawers, the interactions we have with our loved ones, and the cultures we create in our schools and workplaces. Brilliantly argued, expertly researched, and filled with compelling stories, Chatter explains how the conversations we have with ourselves shape our lives and give us the power to change them.
And that's the inner flap of that book. Just highly recommend it. I mean, as I read it, I was kind of thinking about how we as chiropractors face Challenges all the time and why do some people thrive really well and some people continue to struggle I know there's a lot of variables But there's a lot of people that have positive self talk have confident self talk not all the time but the majority of the time and they're optimistic and they're they They feel like they can overcome that struggle.
You, you know, you tell them that insurance reimbursement is going to be [00:06:00] cut. They're going to figure out a way to overcome that they, uh, they have a bad month. They're going to figure out how to overcome that there, uh, you know, there's a snowstorm and you miss a week of work because of it or whatever.
They know they're going to overcome that. And there's others that every little thing. Big middle thing becomes setback that they, they ruminate on consistently, and then ultimately they have a career of rumination on bad self talk and I, and I, and I know you can get better at it. I think that's the thing is no matter where you are on the.
You know, the continuum of self talk all the way from terrible to great, uh, you can improve and go from there. It doesn't mean you're going to be a Navy SEAL per se, right? I'm sure their self talk has to be pretty on point to get to where they have. And we're not trying to get to that level as chiropractors, but you get the, you get the point, you need to improve this and you can a few things that stood out to me in those kind of 24 strategies that he.
He gives, was using, uh, [00:07:00] distanced self talk, which I had heard this before, but he breaks it down really good in the book. And I'm just going to give you a little excerpt that he talks about, uh, on using distanced self talk. Uh, quote, one way to create distance when you're experiencing chatter involves language.
When you're trying to work through a difficult experience. Use your name or the second person quote you to refer to yourself doing so is linked with less activation and brain networks Associated with rumination and leads to improved performance under stress wiser thinking and less negative emotion That's why a lot of times your athletes will say, you know something like come on tiger, right?
You've heard Tiger Woods. I was like a whole thing. He would always call himself Tiger When he was struggling and hit a bad shot. And, and that's an example of doing that. Instead of saying I or me, you're saying your name or you're saying you like you can do this. And, he gives an example in the other book shift, , he [00:08:00] kind of circles back to this, using distance self talk and gives an example that, um one of the tennis players, Novak Jovi, talked, uh, did when he was losing, he lost like the first two sets of a match, Wimbledon, and he lays out how he took a break. Said it was a, a, a bathroom break, but went in and just looked in the mirror and was just using the word you and, and a bunch of other things he talks about in the book.
But using distance self-talk is a big thing to overcome this chatter. Uh, another one he talks about is it. Imagine advising a friend, quote, another way to think about your experience from a , distance perspective is to imagine that you, what you would say to a friend experiencing the same problem as you think about the advice you'd give that person and then apply it to yourself.
That takes the emotions out of it. And he talks a little bit more about that. Uh, I feel that's been something that's helped me. Uh, being fortunate enough to coach a lot of chiropractors is that I still go through my own shit as we all do. Um, but I, I [00:09:00] do have that, um, experience of coaching chiropractors and being able to kind of reflect on that and say, okay, what would I tell another chiropractor that's going through this?
And so that's pretty cool. Um, the other one is, uh, broaden your perspective. Chatter involves, quote, chatter involves narrowly focusing on the problems we're experiencing. A natural antidote to do this involves broadening our perspective. Instead of that narrow focus, and we get in the weeds in and we ruminate, a natural antidote is to, that involves Broadening our perspective to do this, think about how the experience you're worrying about compares with other adverse events you or others have endured, how it fits into the broader scheme of your life and the world and how and or how the other people you admire would respond to the same situation and putting it in perspective.
You know, it's like when how You have a bad day in the office. I mean, he'll say it could be worse, right? And you got to have kind of [00:10:00] reflect back on that on some of the things that people are actually going through now, obviously, if you're going through something massive, then then I get that. But a lot of the chatter we have a lot of the rumination in the grand scheme of things are not that big of a deal.
The next and last one I'll talk about in that he gives is one called reframe your experience as a challenge. Quote, A theme of this book is that you possess the ability to change the way you Think about your experiences. Chatter is often triggered when we interpret a situation as a threat. Something we can't manage. To aid your inner voice, for example, by reminding yourself how you've succeeded in similar situations in the past or by using distance self talk. That is obviously something that helps as you progress through this career and you've been doing it maybe for 20 years like I have is that.
And when you come across obstacles or things in practice, uh, you've had enough things you've overcome in 20 years that you're able to [00:11:00] reframe your experience and know that you can get through that. But those are four of, of many strategies he has, uh, which are really good. And I just, I recommend the book, uh, it just was a really good read, easy read, but definitely has the research.
And then he gives you some actual stuff, which I. Which I like and then next
from the book shift. There's a few things. I'm not going to dive into Too many of these but one is he talks about the idea of self efficacy, which I really enjoyed and I'm just gonna kind of read an excerpt from that but to be able to manage your emotions Having some self efficacy is going to be really important.
Dr. Kevin Christie: So, I'm going to read a little excerpt here, and , Bandura's historic research helped him uncover the power of a concept he would call self efficacy. The idea that you believe you're capable of reaching a goal, that very belief plays a pivotal role in helping you reach it.
It's not that the belief is [00:12:00] some sort of magical elixir, it's that the belief itself puts you in a better position to make your goal a reality. A weak sense of self efficacy, that is a lack of confidence in one's own ability to create change in a particular area of one's life, leaves a person unable to help themselves because they don't believe they can in the first place
so you know, it says there, you know, this last little line I really like is leaves a person unable to help themselves because they don't believe they can in the first place. You got to believe that you can help yourself. And this book talks a lot, a lot about that.
And different strategies around that. But the self efficacy really stood out to me. I think I run into a lot of people who just don't believe they can have a successful practice. Don't believe they can manage their emotions. Don't believe they can lead people. Don't believe they can, um, you know, do whatever, you know, get better at marketing or public speaking, right?
There's a lot of things [00:13:00] that. Um, they struggle with on that and I, and I don't, um, I don't want you to fall victim to that. And so self efficacy is a big thing he talks about in here. The next one is sensory experiences and he dives into what music can do and change your mood. Like. If you're in a bad mood and, or you're, you're not, you're kind of in your feels as it, as the millennials or Gen Z say now, um, turning on particular music, you really like can actually shift your emotions.
And I think we've all experienced that before. And so he talks about other sensory experiences you can do to do that. Sometimes it's food and smells and, uh, nature, uh, but music is a quick one. You can do, I mean, we all have it on our phones. So sometimes you might just need, you know what I'm having a shitty.
Morning in the office here, but I got five minutes. I'm going to go in my personal office and turn on a couple of songs. I really like and get out of that mood. And that's something that, that I've experienced over time. And it's a strategy. I haven't implemented, uh, like say [00:14:00] intentionally, I think we've all done it somewhat intentionally, um, but I'm going to start doing that for sure because that'll be, that'll be helpful.
Um, and then lastly, he talks about in here, uh, that I, that I like is, um, it's the ABC model, uh, of really, um, you know, impacting your, your emotions. And, uh, there's a, he learned this some, some years in, in school there. And really what it is, is that A equals adverse events. So you. You have the adverse event, for example, uh, you know, a scary health diagnosis.
And then B is the belief, you know, for instance, it's over, my kids won't have a father, um. deserting them. This is what he wrote. It's not me. And then C is the consequence. For example, anxiety, stomach, churning, nausea, sadness, all the things we get into our emotions. And then, uh, I'm going to read this just real quick here.
Quote, the most important thing about the ABCs is that if you can change B, then you can change C [00:15:00] because not surprisingly negative thoughts often drive negative emotions. So while you can't do anything about a scary health diagnosis, you can modify your thoughts about it. For example, maybe it's a false positive.
And even if it's true, I can still get treated, which according to this formula should in turn allow you to handle the situation better. So you're always going to have adverse events. So A's are going to happen in your life, no matter who you are, no matter How great you are, um, no matter how easy of a life you have, there's going to be A's, which are adverse events.
And then the B is what you need to really catch. And you need to be able to flip that belief from something negative to something positive, which then will in turn change C, which is the consequence. And I think that's where people who are very effective in managing their emotions. I think that's where they get it right.
They're really able to, um, change that B and have a better C that follows it. And so that's, um, just a few [00:16:00] key aspects from the book shift, managing your emotions so they don't manage you. And that's something that I really want you to, um, look into. And as far as read, uh, the other thing I want to, I'm going to leave you two other things.
It's, um, not from the book, but definitely. Um, kind of apropos for this and I, I, I read another book or I should say, I listened to this one, which was set the table by Danny Meyer back in like, Oh, six or Oh, seven. He wrote that, but it was the first real book on hospitality by a restaurateur. There's been another one recently, but he had a lot of really, it was, it was like a five and a half hour, six hour listen, which isn't too bad for an audio book.
So it was really smooth and enjoyed it. He had a few really cool concepts, and one is the 51 percenters. And when you hire and when you build a team, um, he has a, a quote here, 51 percenters have five key emotional [00:17:00] skills necessary to provide excellent hospitality. Now I'm gonna read. I'm going to read this and I'm going to read it, the five emotional keys.
And this is what you want your team members to have, but I also want you to self reflect and see where you are as it pertains to these five. Okay. And so, um, let's give a little quick read here. Okay. In the following exclusive excerpt from a chapter called the 51 percent solution, Meyer explains his core philosophy on hiring, recruiting, and managing the people who run his restaurants.
Okay. We don't believe in pursuing the so called 110 percent employee. That's about as realistic as working to achieve the 26 hour day. We are hoping to develop a hundred percent employees whose skills are divided 51 to 49 between emotional hospitality and technical excellence. We, we refer to these employees as 51 percenters, right?
So in our world, [00:18:00] You know, you would have 49 would be the technical, which would be your being a doctor, the chiropractic, what you do, and your healing, and the 51 percent would be your emotional hospitality. Uh, so to me, this is Danny Meyer speaking, to me, 51% ers have five core emotional skills. I've learned that we need to hire employees.
With these skills, if we're, uh, to be champions at the team sport of hospitality, they are, uh, one is optimistic, warmth genuine kindness, thoughtfulness in a sense that the glass is always at least half full. Number two is intelligence. Not just smarts, but rather an insatiable curiosity to learn. For the sake of learning, three is work ethic, a natural tendency to do something as well as it can possibly be done for his empathy and awareness of care for and connection to how others feel and how your actions make others feel.
And in five is self awareness and integrity [00:19:00] and understanding of what makes you. tick and a natural inclination to be accountable for doing the right thing with honesty and superb judgment. So that is the five keys and ask yourself, are you following that? Are you hiring for that? And I thought that was.
Uh, really good and something that, uh, I took away from that particular book and how it kind of rolls into this podcast episode. And then lastly, uh, I'm going to just share an audio from a Facebook reel that I've found and it talks about, are you a thermostat or are you a thermometer? And I'll let you just listen to the audio as we kind of end this show here.
So have a great week. Here's the audio. And I want you to think, are you a thermostat or are you a thermometer? when you were walking to work every day or when you walk into the patient room.
Two types of people in this world, thermometer people and thermostat people, and which one you are will make all the difference as far as what kind of experience you have [00:20:00] in this life. What's the difference between a thermometer and a thermostat? A thermometer tells you the temperature in the room. A thermostat tells the room the temperature.
There's one kind of person who goes through life as a thermometer, however his environment is treating him, he will react in kind, and his emotional state, whether he's happy or not, is going to be a direct Reflection of everything that's coming at him from outside of him. That's the thermometer. The thermostat is the one wakes up and sets his setting on joy and gratitude and emanates that out all around him to the environment around.
If you're a thermometer, you are doomed to be reactive. You don't even get to choose whether or not you have a good day. The way people that you don't even know will treat you is going to determine whether or not you had a good day and you add up good days or bad days. And you have either a good life or a bad.
life and you were never in control of it. It was just the way that life treated you, completely passive, a victim thermostat says I can have a good life and a good [00:21:00] day because I choose that whatever my circumstances may be, I can always be productive. I can always be of service. I can always do something for someone else and thereby have a good day and add that all up a good life.